Anakin Skywalker Journals I: Nothing Else Matters
by Relena-Skywalker
Summary: Alternate Universe. First Person. Anakin Skywalker didn't fall to the Dark Side. Episode 1, 2, onwards through the eyes of the Chosen One. Part I Complete.


**Disclaimer:** i dont own star wars.period.george lucas does.im not making any money, not a cent, over this. 

**Anakin Skywalker Journals I: Nothing Else Matters**

**Summary:** Alternate Universe. Drama. Humour. Anakin Skywalker tells a story.   
 

**_' So close, no matter how far. Couldn't be much more from the heart. Forever trusting who we are. Nothing else matters.'_**

I would always remember that day. The day when I almost destroyed everything I've always wanted, and for what? Power? Now I know what true power was. I know and you'd better believe me. I was the expert on that. Thank the Force for the people who pulled me back. Whose faith in me never faltered even when I lost all belief in everything and everyone that was good, including my ability to reject the Darkness surrounding me, threatening to swallow my very soul. I made myself accept what Palpatine told me over and over again. In fact, i could hear his voice in my head if I concentrated hard enough, he told me the Darkside was my destiny, he could give me power beyond my wildest dreams, and perhaps he would have, but the price I believe would be unimaginable pain. 

Luke, stop teasing your sister, I mean it. No holo-games for an entire week. Leia, don't cry Princess, come to Daddy.

Oh, I won't make you wait any longer. Let's get on with it. The first person I owe my second life to, was none other than my wife and guardian...and bestfriend...hey Angel will you smile for me?... there, that beautiful woman over there, that's my Padme. How did we meet? Now that was a very interesting question. Well, it's simple actually, but also complicated. Hey, will you please let me finish? Anyway, Padme was known as Queen Amidala...yes THAT Amidala...and I was just Anakin Skywalker, a humble slave...that's not to say I'm ashamed, quite the contrary, I was very proud and very honoured to have been borne by Shmi Skywalker. She was the best mother anyone could ever have. Don't worry Angel I'm not crying yet. Maybe later. To continue, I met Padme at Watto's shop, back in Mos Espa, that was on my home planet of Tatooine...oh yes, it's very hot back there, the whole planet was a huge desert...Watto? Watto was my owner, he's a Toydarian. Very clever and greedy but not that mean. He's tolerable I guess. Alright, alright I'll stick to the topic, but stop asking too many side questions. I'm perfectly calm Obi-Wan, no reason to give me those looks, ok? I'm getting embarrased here, yes good for you. So, I was in the shop, doing my usual work when the most beautiful girl I ever saw entered, and I was well, quite nervous, but I handled everything in an adult fashion...Yes, in an adult fashion! I was mature for my age! Angel, don't set a place for Obi-Wan, he's being very difficult...why are you laughing? 

My first words to my future wife, were "Are you an Angel?" yes, those were my first words. And I honestly thought she was an Angel, perhaps I hanged around with too many pilots for my own good, it never occured to me that Angels were nothing more than legends. And besides, I was only nine years old, what do you expect?...Obi-Wan, I'm warning you...I didn't know that she was also Amidala then, she told me her name was Padme...why? well because she had to diguise her true identity, the Trade Federation was hot on her heels...and she had to get to Coruscant to plead her case to the Senate...you already know that. Anyway, Padme was startled, after all, not many nine year olds would say things like that, we had a fairly good if not awkward conversation, I felt this strong connection with her...no, that's not an exaggeration..it's as if we were bound to be together someday, even though our relationship was practically worlds in collision. She was a Queen, I'm a slave...impossible, it's like saying that Master Yoda would one day grow tall and turn blue...no offense...hey get those pillows back here...i was just kidding...I ended up bringing Padme and her companions to our house...I love you too Angel...because there would be a sandstorm, thank the Force, oh she was with Master Qui-Gon Jinn and that clumsy...sorry Jar Jar, didn't see you there...so to speak, I had the opportunity for a show off, I introduced Padme to C-3PO, my homemade droid...I didn't program him to be a walking headache...must be system mulfunction...it has to be..I know Threepio. That was also the first time I saw a Lightsaber, and I knew that Qui-Gon was a Jedi...I even said that no one could kill a Jedi Knight. Now I know the truth. 

They were looking for a replacement for the burnt Hyperdrive core of the Queen's Starship...Princess, put that Rocking Bantha where it belongs. How old was Padme then, well she was fourteen, and you see she was already queen. So being the kind-hearted soul that I was...that's true! I am, why else would I?...anyway I offered my assistance, I could get in on the Boontha Eve Pod Racing Competition, and mind you I'm the ONLY human capable of handling such extreme speeds...yes Luke we'll go to Beggar's Canyon some time..and so I convinced Master Qui-Gon and my mom...mom's worried a lot for me you know, but I don't really blame her, I'm quite a handful...Padme seemed to agree also, though not entirely, to let me join the race...I think Master Qui-Gon had a bet with Watto...so off to the race I go...the Pod Racer I used was built by none other than yours truly, I'm good at fixing things... Master Windu, on those terms only ok, how do you expect me to..we'll talk about that later...Oh, yes how could I forget, my old friend Sebulba, he was the winner of the previous races, very crafty...he's also a cheater and a very arrogant creature...Obi-Wan, you can't compare Sebulba to me, ok?... 

And when the competition proper started, I was less than confident that I would win, but I have to win, that's what kept me going even when my Pod racer started malfunctioning at different stages of the race. It was a pretty close call with Sebulba, if I didn't use my own craftiness, I would have lost and none of this would ever happen. Which was not a good thing. So, when all was said and done I came out the winner, I was so happy...exhilirated...to see everyone...well almost, cheering for me. But none more so when I saw Padme's face. It was something I would cherish for a long, long time. I even received a kiss from my angel..on the cheek. You know, that's one of the things that frustrated me back then, I wanted Padme to see me not as little brother, but something more. I guess I had to wait for ten years to have my wish granted. After that, all the bets were settled and fate smacked into my face without warning. Master Qui-Gon tried to free both of us, me and my mom, but Watto only spared me. I wanted to go, but I don't want to go. I wanted to taste new adventures, but I don't want to leave my mother. But like the loving, understanding person that she was, my mom agreed to let me go. I tell you that was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make...I was nine. But I made this promise, that when I became a Jedi Knight I'll come back and free my mom, and all the slaves. Dreams about her haunted me for years, until... 

No, you don't need to pass on those tissues, I'm fine. Anyway, I followed Master Qui-Gon to the Queen's Starship. Then something or someone unexpected followed us, his name was Darth Maul, I tell you he was terror personified, both literally and figuratively. And I was in awe as I watched Master Qui-Gon battle what I came to know as a Sith Lord. Apparently he was an agent of Palpatine, who was also known as Darth Sidious. Master Qui-Gon managed to get on board the ship minutes before we really took off. That's where I also met that grumpy guy...yes you were grumpy Obi-Wan, it's time you admit it...who would be my future mentor and friend and conscience, what else do you want to hear? Ah, fault-finder...was only teasing. It was my first time ever off planet, and I didn't realize that space was bound to be cold. Fortunately, Padme was there. And she told me that the Queen was worried because her people were dying, I never realized that I was speaking with the Queen herself. That's when I gave her that...that necklace she always wore...Jappor Snippet pendant. So she won't forget me. Apparently she never did. We reached Coruscant and I was brought before the Jedi Council, while Padme minded her own business..yes I wanted to say a little heartfelt goodbye to Padme, but it was Amidala who came..it was a bit cruel you know, Angel... now I was really jittery, I had a lot of 'What if's', but my greatest fear was not being accepted for training which was what exactly happened. I hated, at least for the moment, that little green oaf...ooops! in coming!...who rejected me because he thinks I was too old...It was later that I found out about the 'Chosen One' prophecy. Fortunately, Master Qui-Gon stood by me, and decided to take me as his Padawan even without the approval of the Jedi Council. I don't know what exactly happen then but Padme, decided to go back to her homeworld. 

....Luke, get those things back here...no you can't...We finally landed on Naboo. Master Qui-Gon and the others asked for the help of the Gungans through none other than...Princess, go to Uncle Jar Jar...him..yes. I really thought they won't help but then Padme revealed her true identity to their leader Boss Nass...I was confused..and I don't know, I felt a surge of different emotions... 

So, I was left on the sidelines while the adults concocted and executed their plans to recapture Theed and arrest the Federation Viceroy Nute Gunray. Master Qui-Gon instructed me to hide inside one of those Naboo fighters found in the hangar. I was really shocked but at the same time curious with all the fighting going on. And once more the hand of fate guided me. I managed to operate the fighter I was hiding in. Battle Droids were firing at my new found allies so I offered a little help. Yes, Artoo, you were my Astromech then. I found myself in outer space piloting my "stolen" fighter. And the rest you can say was history. I managed to sabotage the droid control station. Now, the hardest part was after the Victory, as you know, Master Qui-Gon was killed by Darth Maul, and I was left without someone to guide me, unfortunately...hey! don't do that!...I was assigned to Obi-Wan. The Green Menace...sorry...Master Yoda finally agreed to have me trained. At the Parade I wore my very first set of Jedi robes...no I did not!..I was so proud of myself then, and Padme was...to say she was beautiful would be the understatement of the decade...anyway, me and Angel had a little private goodbye before we part ways for good, I told her I'll never forget her and hoped she would do the same for me. 

My life inside the Jedi Temple was a mixture of happiness, frustration, pain...whatever you have. And having a grouchy old man as your Master sure puts a damper on things. Yes...Obi-Wan was the second person I owe my life to...as much as I hate to admit it. He was well, stern and rigid...I was taught it was best to tell the truth! And I am telling it now!...but he became the father I never had. We had arguments...yes, a lot of them...mostly Obi-Wan's...hey! alright! alright!..it was my fault. But aside from our basic differences, we were good friends. I wouldn't go to the specifics...that's another story...but my life before I met Padme again was relatively fine if not empty. 

Ten years later, we saw each other again...it was like fate willed us to be together. At the backdrop of a galaxy in turmoil. She was now known as Senator Amidala, representative of the Naboo in place of former Senator, now Chancellor, Palpatine. When Padme's life was threatened by Separatists, Obi-Wan and I were assigned to guard her. Seeing her again was like I said then, intoxicating. It made me experience those same emotions I had when I was a wee nine. But with surprising intensity. I was very disappointed when her reaction to seeing me again was not what I have expected it to be, I thought she had forgotten me...I know, I know...I imagined her jumping into my arms, but now I understand that she was after all a Senator, I now realize that it wasn't all about me...after one more attempt to assassinate her, the council decided to send her back to Naboo until the case was resolved and I was to accompany her. Needless to say I was delighted and nervous (again)...I desperately wanted to know for sure if she felt the same for me, that yearning was nearly driving me insane, and thank the Force an opportunity presented itself, not that I'm glad that Padme was targeted, I wanted those people who wanted her dead to pay for their crimes, but at that time, I'd take all I could get. That was also when my relationship with Obi-Wan started going down hill, we argued a lot, and we can't seem to agree on anything. I felt he was holding me back, and that my mentor was jealous of my abilities...now i know how wrong I was, I think you should pass those tissues to Uncle Obi-Wan now Princess, thank you.... 

Anyway, we left for Naboo a few days later. I felt the tension was so thick that it would suffocate both of us if we're not careful. It was like we were tiptoeing around subjects that we shouldn't talk about, just the ride on the transport was a proof, so was our argument on the throne room, in front of Queen Jamilla herself and the whole court...what must have they been thinking?...We ended up on the Lake retreat, for the moment we shed our masks, I became just Anakin Skywalker and she just Padme Naberrie, the Jedi Knight and the Senator took the back seat...oh here comes cousin Ryoo! Leia! Luke!...oh sorry Angel, I shouldn't have pulled that trick. We even visited Padme's family, That was one of the happiest moments of my life, it's as if all I've ever wanted was right there...Then, no longer able to hold back, I spilled my feelings to Padme one night after dinner. 

...Angel will you sit beside me?....Please?...this ought to make my story more..uh...interesting. Anyway, like I said, I finally confessed my feelings for Padme. It was like all the words were tripping over each other, and at times it feels as if all the words in the galaxy were never enough. I just knew she felt the same for me, but as always Padme was the more rational, level-headed of the two of us. She told me we'd be living a lie, should we continue with this path..I was so crushed...yes, Angel, at that time, I would have preferred a large block of stone hurtling toward me, at least I could do something about it...Princess, Luke, stop that...sorry Jar, Jar, you know the kids....but I didn't want to pursue the argument any longer. So when Padme asked if living a lie would be alright with me, I just said...No...then that night I was plagued with vivid dreams about my mom, she was suffering and I wanted to come to her aid. The following morning I meditated in the balcony, hoping to cleanse my mind. Then Padme came, she must have overheard me while I slept. I told her "Jedi, don't have nightmares." But now it was clear to me that to have nightmares, dreams, anger, love was to be human. I was wrong to deny my feelings, just to appear strong. 

So, disobeying orders from the Jedi Council...Obi-Wan, I don't always break the rules...no, I don't!..I'm calm!...you know this would have been finished if you...ok, I went to Tatooine, with Padme, hoping to find my mom, I wanted my dreams to be proven wrong. But unfortunately, they were right...We paid Watto a vist, and from there we traced my mom's whereabouts. We found out that she was sold to a Moisture Farmer named Cliegg Lars, and that she was set free, Cliegg even married her according to Watto. I should have been happy upon hearing that my mom was no longer a slave. But my mind was too clouded. We soon found ourselves in the Lars Homestead....Oh, Owen and Beru will be coming later, they have some business to take care of...oh yes, they'd be happy to see Luke and Leia...and there, I learned the horrible truth about my mom...apprently she was taken by Tusken Raiders...vile, uncivilized creatures who live in the Jundland Wastes. Cliegg said she was dead, after she had been missing for two months. I just couldn't accept that, I can't. I haven't seen my mom for ten years, and then all of a sudden she was dead? Just that. I was so angry, at myself, at everyone, because I couldn't and they didn't save her. It was irrational, now that I look back. So, totally blinded by grief and rage, I set out to find the Raiders. When I found my mom, she was in such a wretched condition that I couldn't bear to look at her, she suffered so much...tissues, please.thanks son..when she died in my arms...I don't know I wasn't thinking clearly...and you all know what happened...ah, I'll tell you when you're older kids... 

We buried her. And I promised I won't fail again. I know now how close I've come to failing her again. Then, a message from the council came. Obi-Wan was apparently in trouble...he always was..Ouch!...They told me to stay where I was and protect Padme. But being a real Angel, she wanted to help. So, we followed His Grumpiness...hey! Those are my favorites!...to Geonosis. With plans to rescue him..see? he needs to be rescued? see?...but we ended up being captured, by Separatist Leader Count Dooku...I know, you should be thankful, we came after you...And not surprisingly, sentenced to death in the Arena...yes, those creatures were such a pain, especially the one who seems to be determined to turn Obi-Wan into "Bantha Foodu". It was truly mayhem. Anyway, before we actually entered the Arena, Padme finally admitted her feelings for me..what do you know?!..."I truly, deeply love you."..,those words I will always remember. After much fighting, Master Windu and other Jedi Knights assisted, then later the Clone Army came, with of course, Master Yoda..who could forget?...But Dooku, escaped the vicinity and we had to come after him...you know what happened...Padme fell out of the vessel and I was torn between saving her and doing my duty. Fortunately, my 'conscience' was there to torment me....hey! Stop that!... 

So, we caught up with Dooku, just as he was about to leave the 'hidden hangar'. Obi-Wan told me to be calm...hey, how many times do I have to say...Princess, I think that's Sabe and Corde at the door...and that we should attack Dooku together, but once again, I became impatient. I attacked the Sith Lord head on, and in return I received the worst electrocution anyone could ever get. Now I know how a "Gamorrean Roast" feels like. And now, all I eat were vegetables...teasing. The sole impact of the Sith Lightning...Master Yoda, how come you never taught....ok,ok, just asking...hurled me to the nearest wall and Obi-Wan was left to deal with Dooku alone, I couldn't tell what exactly happened because my mind still reeled with pain, but somehow, Dooku managed to subdue Obi-Wan, and was about to give the lethal blow. So with my remaining energy I came to my Master's rescue...I was a good guy after all...and it's my turn to battle Qui-Gon's former mentor...according to Master Yoda...I held out for a moment, considering I'm fighting with two Lightsaber's--mine and Obi-Wan's-- but Dooku was EXTREMELY skilled, he severed my right arm...yes, Leia, that's why Daddy's other arm was black...and as embarassing as it was, I passed out. They said Master Yoda came to our rescue, too bad I didn't see him fight Dooku. The duel was over when we came to our senses, and I could see my Angel coming toward me. Then things happened so fast, we settled everything, or thought we had. I accompanied Padme back to Naboo, and there, we decided to get married. 

Then the Clone Wars broke out. Obi-Wan and I were mostly away, fighting on distant worlds. Padme and I rarely saw each other. There was also the matter of our then "secret marriage". Things started going wrong for me, my belief in the Old Republic started to crumble. And that's when Palpatine--Darth Sidius--came into the picture. He tried to convince me, in more ways than one to join him. And I almost did. If not for the people who were with me...with us today...my wife, who was always there for me, my mentor, my friends and most of all my children...come here Luke, Princess...oh I think it's time to eat...let's see what the cook prepared for us...   
  
**---The End---**


End file.
